I havent written on here in some time as my focus has been on the music. I'll post things again eventually. Give me two weeks as I finalize the album haha. One more if mastering happens like I think it will.

love love!

She can't touch

She's cool. I like her. Really mellow.

She kind of relies on these brothers though. No one's dating, I think, at least. But they're all really kind to each other & it's a good thing for everyone I assume.

You have to rely on people like this when you can't touch anything without knowing everything it's gone through. As in.. touching a keyboard & seeing everyone who's touched it, manufactured it, used it, sold it, what they were thinking & feeling at the time, where they were, etc. With people, with the air, with her clothes even.

She told me she orders from some organic dress store online. Really basic looking stuff, but I don't care how she looks. She can see the plants used to make the cloth growing, being made into fabric, being sewn, the people who have touched it. But she says it's easier to handle emotionally than when she wore machine made factory clothes. 

She can't even use gloves to type on the computer - she sees the lives of the gloves too. This is why she relies on Nick. He can look at anything & move it, fix it, touch it, whatever. She could rely on anyone to order her a skirt from the internet, but she & he are close. Not romantic close I think. 

It's weird but I feel like she knows more about me than Aimery does sometimes, & he's the one who can do everything he wants to with thoughts. How she looks at me though, it's like she has been where he hasn't. Like she's known me longer.

Anyway, cool to hang out & meet these people. I don't think any of us really have a goal to do anything spectacular. I mean, any of us could & I'd have no idea, but we're no Avengers. I'll stay in my non-skintight clothes, thank you very much.

I could probably say more but just kind of indifferent right now.

Electromagnetism. gravity. waves. frequencies.

Useless like Angel

So I can fly.
He does stuff to your brain.
His brother can move stuff by looking at it. Something about energy fields, he goes on sometimes.
His other brother, controls everything about his own body. Metabolism, strength. He can fly too, really, so how am I useful to this .. I don't even want to say it.. "team".
He says there are a couple other people he knows that I'm going to meet soon. Some girl that's really sensitive to everything - she wears crazy organic potato bag skirts or something to keep herself from seeing everything the fabric's experienced. That's pretty insane.

I feel like Angel from the Xmen. Next to people made of ice, or with eyelasers & psychic powers, all he had was wings.
It's not like I'm demanding an even playing field. I love flying. I'll always be wrapping my head around the fact that THIS IS REAL LIFE & I CAN FLY without being in a plane. That is pretty awesome. & really freeing.

But everytime he texts me I feel like he knows this. He doesn't even need to text me. He could just say something in my head. But that would probably come at the weirdest time & I'd gasp & freak people out, cos I have no idea how to respond.
"Just think it" he told me yesterday.
Yeh, what else am I thinking that he knows? Everything?
He probably knows about this site. My childhood. everything.
Maybe that's ok. It's not that I don't trust him. I just kind of ramble & go all over the place cos these people have really "activated their DNA" & I don't know why they want me around. I'm really grateful, just not sure what's going on.
THIS IS REAL LIFE & I CAN FLY.

telepath, hypocrites, crazy

"Fag!" he shouts at me, disgusted as we pass each other on the sidewalk.
"Clone" I utter back, resolute.
Before the violent idea even finishes forming in his mind
I've shut it off.
FLUMP - crack! The sound of obesity & ignorance collapsing on the pavement. Gasps & voices checking to see. I'm sure people already have their phones out to record it. FAT DUDE ON SIDEWALK, I can picture it online already. I haven't slowed my pace to the train station.
I don't even know if I can turn someone's brain off permanently - never tried concentrating.
But it's like a switch & when I see the threat coming, there is no way I am going to let someone go that far.
I don't know my limits. I want to access every mind & convince them of the power of consciousness, of awareness, & of the vulnerability of ourselves & the ecosystem - as well as the resilience.
But I haven't really been doing that.
I don't know why I should be so high & mighty about that, when I just knocked someone out.
There's justice in there somewhere, but I might be a little crazy.
Each time I do something like this I walk on thinner & thinner parts of the grey line. It's all grey though. Most of it at least.
What else am I capable of?

spiral only

She He became a serpent snake & slithered quivered through the Earth World.
The heart center but doesn't know.
Too much self importance is ridiculous. She He sheds it as skin, reverse mummy, boiled backwards.
Survive, thrive, take what is necessary. Give more.

Connecting with this snake I feel the pages starting to fly. This isn't a new chapter or a new book, this is the world with dirt & guttural honesty & the innocent violence of a wolf eating a rabbit. Maybe there's an order but he she doesn't believe in it. It's all chaos. Let go of the stigma with the word "chaotic". There is no order to things. Some things eat other things. Some things die. Some things are born. Some things grow, take over other things.
Too much thinking, not enough being.
That's a circle.
be a spiral. Spiral spiral spiral. That leads somewhere.

Gone.

Is he stupid?

I thought he was a friend of mine. I know he has a girlfriend & I think he thinks I'm into him.
Can "straight guy" & "gay guy" coexist? Or am I the only one who communicates.
Not even trying anymore. Does he think he's the shit? Or what? I just thought he was a friend & he obviously wants me out of his life. What am I to him? An annoyance? A gay guy who wants him.
Granted, I'd fuck his brains out if circumstances were different. I have to admit that haha.
Circumstances aren't different. He's into women. I'm into gay men (Those labels are a whole other topic!!). That's how it is & it's never on my mind anymore. Don't you have friends like that too - hot & very unavailable for whatever reason, so it's never really crossing your mind anymore?
When I first met him & it wasn't clear - I did want him. But you can't want everyone!
& now he avoids me cos he thinks I want him!
What is wrong with him?
It's not me.
We ARE adults right? But I'm the one blogging about it..
I'm tempted to control his mind for just an instant & make him write "TEXT AIMERY BACK" all over his own body, interspersed with little "HE'S YOUR FRIEND"s.
Oh, people.

Glitter pink love

I'm covered in glitter after gogoing last night.

My bed has never been this dazzling. I didn't wash it off before sleeping. I passed out & dreamed I lived a life behind a veil when it was new in my part of the world, & then another dream where I destroyed the Queen of the Witches & therefore took all her power. All my senses perceived every cell. & to think I had only travelled there to meet with a man named Denny who had some sort of knowledge for me.

I already forgot the details but it was a fun ride. Dreams.

Another dream, but waking, was the man last night. I know his name but won't say it here. A friend of a friend & I'd met him before. His body is extreme. Not gross steroid buff - just toned & strong. His stomach.. he came to me & I jumped off the box. He hugged me. He kissed me. He shouted things in my ear over the loud music. We danced. 

I wanted him then & after the event, but he'd disappeared during my last set.

Of course I forgot the real reason I was there: to scope out info on this new company for a friend - someone's competition in the business world. It's not my thing but conveniently I was told a few people would be there. I'm usually observant but with all these people, it would have taken a psychic to read any of them. Especially when I was working as a dancer for the whole time. Mission not accomplished.

I have sweaty pink gogo shorts that will start smelling in a day or two. Laundry time.

Porn

We're surrounded by porn.
Distractions, right? Beyond unnecessary.
I plug my ears every few minutes on the subway.
Grand Central & Borough Hall are squeaky & whiny when the trains move in & out. They're always moving at Grand Central.
Magazines on display & on sale at the "news" stand. Mags about celebrities & strangers with money. So we can think we know these people. To give us something to talk about. To fill "unused space" with photos of video chicks & colorful candy (read, damage) for the brain.
Who pays for that shit? If you want to, you can read it online & save the paper. But why would you give your attention to that?? I can't understand it.

Create something.
I'm still wrapping my head around my capabilities. Why do people not want to know their potential? What is potential anymore?
It's porn.

Anyway

He looks at me from the subway door as if I know him.
I just got off the train & am walking to the exit when he did this.
He gives a nod of the head - downward in familiarity, not upward - & I smile back. He's not ugly but I wouldn't think of him that way. Just not sure why he nodded at me like that.
I don't want to be paranoid about it.
It's not like I'm wearing something that might tie me to a religion or anything. No skirt, just shorts from the gym. Backpack. Maybe he liked my moccasins?
I look downward & keep walking, smiling once more as the doors close & he stands looking outwards from the train.
Why do I feel like it was something deeper than a casual nod? I don't think he wanted to hook up. He was just saying hi to a kindred spirit.
Maybe he'll turn up again, but it seems so far in this city, I've never seen someone in the street twice.
Anyway

Michelle

Michelle is allergic to almonds & avoids gluten.
This is recent.
Around the same time her allergies to melons ceased.
She's a goofy lady.
No one calls her Shelly or Shell. With this Michelle, that would be as strange as calling a Matthew "Hew". No one even considers it.
Michelle can fly too, like me.
I met her a while ago when I moved here. This isn't her real name, just like I think I haven't given mine. She's another aware being.
What's making us like this? How do we continue to activate our DNA? Is it the food - mainly hearty raw vegetables & fruits - that's doing it? Are we "mutants" like the Xmen?
We call ourselves the Tribe of Love.
I just saw her today after a few weeks of mutual missed calls. Her dreds are another two inches longer, I swear. She's beautiful & earthy.
We've only talked a little bit about flying. I feel like we should fly to South America. Just to see if we'll last. I know we could. I feel like she's safer than I am. More cautious.
She comes from a religious family. She has a girlfriend of a little over a year & they're not cool with that. I think she believes in a deity. Not sure, but I know her girlfriend does & Michelle gets paid to sing in church every Sunday. We don't talk about that much. Not that its awkward; it just never comes up.
I don't want to say too much about her but it's awesome that I've met another like me.
How many more are there? Is there a limit? Is it like sexuality / gender & in our cells?
Overwhelmed.

Tiwanaku was a port city & could be 15,000 years old

I'm on fire with need, to know the mysteries. What is at the bottom of the ocean? Under all the ice of Antarctica? I know I may not be able to learn it all - who would?? - as there is no way to know everything that has happened on this planet. So much. Overwhelming. We are not the first.
Do I go to GMC?
Here is hoping for something. I really should visit.
I can turn this passion into something. Transform. So many possibilities.

random tweets

that must have been something filming. #guyflieshighNY

@zippadeedildo what was he holding??

Left sbuxx on joralemon, i turn to see someone zip thru the sky. blu skirt. any1 else c this?

someone just flew thru sky. by boro hall. feel like im n a movie.

someone flew? or.. stunt doubles are rehearsing. come on now! #practicingforspiderman

did you hear what the guy was screaming about a dog? @peta @humanesociety

But can he fly?

He is scolding his puppy too harshly.
I'm on the subway homeward, & this man has a puppy. He keeps saying "SIT!" & "motherfucker" mumbled with who knows what else, disappointed & angry. It's so difficult for this little puppy to sit on the moving train. It's so little & terrified & the man has scolded him so many times, the other passengers have tuned it out. The woman standing next to me watches with sorrow & anger in her eyes, just as I do. Gaze intent on the man & his puppy, I imagine we're both wondering if the situation will escalate & debating getting involved.
"Sit motherfucking.. if you don't SIT..."
I close my eyes, thinking that it's not my battle. It's not a battle. A wolf is eating a rabbit somewhere right now. A few lioness are preparing to pounce on gazelles from tall grasses. What is this puppy in a train & what is this man?
"Siiiit!" the man threatens again.
I open my eyes. I want to tell him to nurture the puppy. Use compassion. What's so bad about the tiny thing not sitting? Pet the puppy, don't hit it for no reason. Does he have an idea of what he's doing?
He swats the dog twice; not softly. The little thing is all frantic & skittering. I move towards him.
Brakes whine & the train slows as we come to the stop. The train doors open. In an instant I've ripped the leash from his hand & scooped up the dog in my arms. It doesn't bite me or lash out. I pet its head.
I run. He shouts after me, pursuing. He is so angry. Calling me a faggot because of my skirt.
"Stop!! He has my dog!"
I'm faster & it sounds like he's in pain. Is this sudden pity for him or outrage at myself for moving so brashly? Technically I'm stealing. He has the right to be angry. I'm acting without thinking. What am I going to do with this dog?
'Rescue it' I know. That man does not need to take out his problems on another being.
I dash up the stairs. He's surprisingly fast, for his age & the wincing, following me up the stairs. Not gaining, but keeping pace.
I burst through the turnstile & hear it turn behind me, people watching from all around us as he hollers. Someone moves in to stop me but they're not fast or confident enough.
I run up the final stairway to the street, & he's just as close as he was before.
He's quite a runner.
But he can't fly.

I lift off the ground when the ceiling disappears. "What the .. FUCK!" I hear behind me. I thought I'd feel like Moses, parting the Red Sea, but no one in front of me really moves, their backs all facing me. Then I fly higher. Faster.
I blast upwards out of the Municipal building, shouts & "whoa!"s all over the place. I miss this wind on my face. I have the puppy clutched to my chest, gently keeping its head inside my sweater. I can see people take out their phones but doubt they're fast enough to record anything. I've already flown around another building, another block, and another corner. It's like I'm heading home, but I don't know what to do. What I've just done. What legal trouble I'm in. I'm just heading home out of unthinking habit.
This is the lightest sky I've flown in. I've done it when it's really early in the morning & when I'm done dancing. That's when the darkness helps. Right now, however, it must be a little after 5pm.
Should I give the dog to some kid on the street holding their mom's hand? Or take it home? I can't have a pet..
Are those sirens for me?

this blog

I'm trying to write every day. I don't know if it'll be good or bad but it's what's going to come out of me.
Stories to tell.