I havent written on here in some time as my focus has been on the music. I'll post things again eventually. Give me two weeks as I finalize the album haha. One more if mastering happens like I think it will.

love love!

She can't touch

She's cool. I like her. Really mellow.

She kind of relies on these brothers though. No one's dating, I think, at least. But they're all really kind to each other & it's a good thing for everyone I assume.

You have to rely on people like this when you can't touch anything without knowing everything it's gone through. As in.. touching a keyboard & seeing everyone who's touched it, manufactured it, used it, sold it, what they were thinking & feeling at the time, where they were, etc. With people, with the air, with her clothes even.

She told me she orders from some organic dress store online. Really basic looking stuff, but I don't care how she looks. She can see the plants used to make the cloth growing, being made into fabric, being sewn, the people who have touched it. But she says it's easier to handle emotionally than when she wore machine made factory clothes. 

She can't even use gloves to type on the computer - she sees the lives of the gloves too. This is why she relies on Nick. He can look at anything & move it, fix it, touch it, whatever. She could rely on anyone to order her a skirt from the internet, but she & he are close. Not romantic close I think. 

It's weird but I feel like she knows more about me than Aimery does sometimes, & he's the one who can do everything he wants to with thoughts. How she looks at me though, it's like she has been where he hasn't. Like she's known me longer.

Anyway, cool to hang out & meet these people. I don't think any of us really have a goal to do anything spectacular. I mean, any of us could & I'd have no idea, but we're no Avengers. I'll stay in my non-skintight clothes, thank you very much.

I could probably say more but just kind of indifferent right now.

Electromagnetism. gravity. waves. frequencies.

Useless like Angel

So I can fly.
He does stuff to your brain.
His brother can move stuff by looking at it. Something about energy fields, he goes on sometimes.
His other brother, controls everything about his own body. Metabolism, strength. He can fly too, really, so how am I useful to this .. I don't even want to say it.. "team".
He says there are a couple other people he knows that I'm going to meet soon. Some girl that's really sensitive to everything - she wears crazy organic potato bag skirts or something to keep herself from seeing everything the fabric's experienced. That's pretty insane.

I feel like Angel from the Xmen. Next to people made of ice, or with eyelasers & psychic powers, all he had was wings.
It's not like I'm demanding an even playing field. I love flying. I'll always be wrapping my head around the fact that THIS IS REAL LIFE & I CAN FLY without being in a plane. That is pretty awesome. & really freeing.

But everytime he texts me I feel like he knows this. He doesn't even need to text me. He could just say something in my head. But that would probably come at the weirdest time & I'd gasp & freak people out, cos I have no idea how to respond.
"Just think it" he told me yesterday.
Yeh, what else am I thinking that he knows? Everything?
He probably knows about this site. My childhood. everything.
Maybe that's ok. It's not that I don't trust him. I just kind of ramble & go all over the place cos these people have really "activated their DNA" & I don't know why they want me around. I'm really grateful, just not sure what's going on.
THIS IS REAL LIFE & I CAN FLY.

telepath, hypocrites, crazy

"Fag!" he shouts at me, disgusted as we pass each other on the sidewalk.
"Clone" I utter back, resolute.
Before the violent idea even finishes forming in his mind
I've shut it off.
FLUMP - crack! The sound of obesity & ignorance collapsing on the pavement. Gasps & voices checking to see. I'm sure people already have their phones out to record it. FAT DUDE ON SIDEWALK, I can picture it online already. I haven't slowed my pace to the train station.
I don't even know if I can turn someone's brain off permanently - never tried concentrating.
But it's like a switch & when I see the threat coming, there is no way I am going to let someone go that far.
I don't know my limits. I want to access every mind & convince them of the power of consciousness, of awareness, & of the vulnerability of ourselves & the ecosystem - as well as the resilience.
But I haven't really been doing that.
I don't know why I should be so high & mighty about that, when I just knocked someone out.
There's justice in there somewhere, but I might be a little crazy.
Each time I do something like this I walk on thinner & thinner parts of the grey line. It's all grey though. Most of it at least.
What else am I capable of?

spiral only

She He became a serpent snake & slithered quivered through the Earth World.
The heart center but doesn't know.
Too much self importance is ridiculous. She He sheds it as skin, reverse mummy, boiled backwards.
Survive, thrive, take what is necessary. Give more.

Connecting with this snake I feel the pages starting to fly. This isn't a new chapter or a new book, this is the world with dirt & guttural honesty & the innocent violence of a wolf eating a rabbit. Maybe there's an order but he she doesn't believe in it. It's all chaos. Let go of the stigma with the word "chaotic". There is no order to things. Some things eat other things. Some things die. Some things are born. Some things grow, take over other things.
Too much thinking, not enough being.
That's a circle.
be a spiral. Spiral spiral spiral. That leads somewhere.

Gone.

Is he stupid?

I thought he was a friend of mine. I know he has a girlfriend & I think he thinks I'm into him.
Can "straight guy" & "gay guy" coexist? Or am I the only one who communicates.
Not even trying anymore. Does he think he's the shit? Or what? I just thought he was a friend & he obviously wants me out of his life. What am I to him? An annoyance? A gay guy who wants him.
Granted, I'd fuck his brains out if circumstances were different. I have to admit that haha.
Circumstances aren't different. He's into women. I'm into gay men (Those labels are a whole other topic!!). That's how it is & it's never on my mind anymore. Don't you have friends like that too - hot & very unavailable for whatever reason, so it's never really crossing your mind anymore?
When I first met him & it wasn't clear - I did want him. But you can't want everyone!
& now he avoids me cos he thinks I want him!
What is wrong with him?
It's not me.
We ARE adults right? But I'm the one blogging about it..
I'm tempted to control his mind for just an instant & make him write "TEXT AIMERY BACK" all over his own body, interspersed with little "HE'S YOUR FRIEND"s.
Oh, people.